Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
