i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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