PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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