Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
