I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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