i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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