were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
