Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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