Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
