I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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