Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
