"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
