if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize