She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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