dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
