He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
do herpes really smell.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
