Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i was born a porn star she said
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
