He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
