I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
