ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
