Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
