Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
