Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
