Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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