Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
