there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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