I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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