I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
