Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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