when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
