I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
