pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
