Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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