do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
