How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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