One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
