Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Jerry, you need to find god
Someone shit on the floor
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
