It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
