when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
