He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
where does the pee come out of this thing
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We need to get me chipped asap
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize