How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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