Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize