That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
