my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You ruined the universe
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
