Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
