sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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