I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You made out with two different species that night
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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