He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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