yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
