He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
