My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
