**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
