I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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