hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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