Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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