Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
