A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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