Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
