I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
