I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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