Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
