Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
