It was confusing and full of hummus
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
