NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
