i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
