everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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