so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
