i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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