If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
