I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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