I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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