I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
