I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize