Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
