you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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