dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
