Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
