you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
