I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
