Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My ATM looks so different sober.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
