I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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