when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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