is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
