i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
