ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
