please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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