when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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