Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
